Preached by the Very Rev. Mike Kinman at Christ Church Cathedral on Sunday, October 26, 2014, at the 10 am service with the blessing of the union of Daniel Wolf and Michael Gee.
They asked Jesus, "Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?" He said: "`You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: `You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets."+
Dan and Michael, when we met last Sunday to walk through the service, I told you something I tell every couple at every wedding rehearsal.
You were concerned about remembering where to stand and what to say. You were concerned, as we all are, about getting it right, about not making any mistakes, having it all be perfect … and if it wasn’t, at least not having it be your fault.
Do you remember what I said to you? I said you don’t have to worry about anything, you don’t have to remember anything. Any time you have to move or speak, I will let you know. You don’t even need to remember the words because I will feed them to you when it’s time.
The only thing you have to do is to be present to each other in love, to give your love to God and each other and to receive the love and support of God and your community. That’s all you have to do.
In this space, in these moments, you can let all the things you usually worry about … how you look, how you sound, if you get it right, everything … you can let all the things you usually worry about fall away and all you need to do … is love.
I say this to every couple because after 16 years, I’ve learned a thing or two about weddings.
The first thing is that the mistakes that couples fear are really nothing to be afraid of.
The reader who stumbles because she is choked up with emotion doesn’t spoil the service but moves us more deeply than words can say.
The groomsman who walks to the wrong place isn’t blowing it but when met with love, creating an opportunity for grace and mercy and even the gift of tension-breaking laughter, not at his expense but with the joy of all of the mistake-prone humanity we all share.
The couple who can’t even remember each other’s names because they are so nervous don’t ruin the wedding but create an endearing memory and inspiration for our own marriages and friendships as we watch them with deep love help each other through these first steps of their marriage together.
The lesson is that what makes deep beauty is not technical perfection. What makes deep beauty. What moves us and changes us is doing things with great love. Doing things with great love creates its own success – because “getting it right” is never really about having every foot hit its mark or every word come out perfectly. “Getting it right” is about doing everything with great care, great love and great joy.
So I tell every couple, don’t worry about where to stand, what to say, what to do. I’ve got you covered. The only thing you have to do is to be present to each other in love, to give your love to God and each other and to receive the love and support of God and your community. That’s all you have to do.
This morning, we hear the Pharisees ask Jesus what the most important commandment is, and he says Love. Just Love. That’s all you have to do.
Love God with all your heart, soul and mind.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
Then he says, “on these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”
Jesus is telling us we don’t have to worry about anything. We don’t have to worry about getting it right. We don’t have to worry about not making any mistakes. We don’t have to worry about saying or doing the wrong thing. The only thing we have to do is to be present to each other in love, to give our love to each other and to receive the love and support of God and our community. That’s all we have to do.
Marriages like the one we celebrate today are a microcosm for the baptized life of the church. To be sure, there is a special intimacy for the married relationship that can’t and really shouldn’t be replicated throughout the entire community. But we actually are not called to love one another any less, give ourselves up for one another any less, treat one another with any less dignity, honor and high regard than Dan and Michael are pledging to each other for the rest of their lives.
And that means the words I said to Dan and Michael about this service apply to us … all of us … every time we gather.
Because we all are just like Dan and Michael. We are concerned about not saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing. We’re concerned about what people will think about us, about getting it right, not making any mistakes, having it all be perfect … and if it isn’t, at least not having it be our fault.
We’re concerned about failing and being exposed. About being laughed at and cast out. We are scared that without intent we will accidentally do harm and that harm will be a sin that is beyond all forgiveness.
We are scared that even in the shadow of the cross that our vulnerability will be seen as weakness rather than strength. We are scared to death that especially in the shadow of the cross, we will screw up and it will reveal that maybe we aren’t good, maybe we aren’t lovable, maybe somehow we aren’t redeemable by that cross after all.
And Jesus gets it. And he stands right here in our midst, in the midst of all our concern and all our fear and he says what he always says, which is “be not afraid.” Don’t worry about getting it right. Don’t worry about what you will say or what you will eat or what you will wear. Don’t worry about making a wrong step or saying the wrong words.
The only thing you have to do is to be present to each other in love, to give your love to God and each other and to receive the love and support of God and your community. That’s all you have to do.
It’s not that there are no rules to follow or justice to be served. The law and the prophets are alive, well and incredibly important. The law and the prophets are the things that we are called to do and the stands we are called to make. The law and the prophets are the structure for how we live our lives together and how we are called to follow Jesus out in the world.
But by themselves, the law and the prophets are nothing but an arbitrary set of rules and one more political agenda. By themselves, the law and the prophets are nothing that will change our hearts much less change the world.
That’s why Jesus doesn’t just say “obey the law and the prophets.” He says, "`You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' … `You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets."
Dan and Michael, your marriage will succeed not based on how you measure up to the law and the prophets. Your marriage will succeed not based on how few mistakes you make but on how deeply and consistently you hold each other with love through those mistakes. If your marriage is to thrive and be the life-giving force God and we all dream for it to be, it will be because you will realize that failure is your sacred teacher. That the words “all you have to do is be present to each other in love” is not just about this liturgy but about your lives, together, until you are parted by death.
And likewise we as Christ’s church are being offered the same message. We will become the Cathedral we and God are dreaming for us to be, a Cathedral where people, all people, can gather to seek God and to be present to each other while being a catalyst for change and growth within the wider community. We will become this Cathedral community not based on how few mistakes we make but on how deeply and consistently we hold each other with love through those mistakes.
If we as a Cathedral are not just to survive but to thrive and be the life-giving force God and we all dream for it to be, it will be because we realize that failure is our sacred teacher. That the words “all we have to do is be present to each other in love” are not just about this liturgy but about our lives, together, until we are parted by death.
And the stakes could not be higher – for all of us.
Dan and Michael, if you let the fear of failure and rejection tempt you to hide yourselves from one another. If you let the need to be right set you up against one another. If you let the aversion to risk mute your desire to be bold with one another, then either your marriage will not last or, perhaps worse, it will be at best an empty shell of what it could otherwise have been.
And for us as a Cathedral, if we do the same. If we let the fear of failure and rejection tempt us to hide ourselves from one another. If we let the need to be right divide and set us up against one another. If we let the aversion to risk consistently lead us down the roads of safety and least resistance than either this Cathedral will close or, worse, we will be one more shell of an American church slowly suffocating in our own fear and self-concern.
But I do not believe that is our future. I look at Dan and Michael and the love they have. And I look at all of us and, with God’s help, how far we have already come together, and I believe together we all will continue to follow a different path, a more difficult path … the path of the Great Commandment Jesus gives us today.
If we continue to follow Jesus’ Great Commandment, there is no conversation we will not have, no venture rightly discerned we will not boldly engage, no calling of Christ from which we will shrink in fear.
If we continue to follow Jesus’ Great Commandment, we will be freed from fear to joyfully embrace our failures and to reach for heights previous generations could only dream to touch.
If we continue to follow Jesus’ Great Commandment, we will demonstrate to a city in deep need of truth, reconciliation and healing that there is no truth so scary that in love it cannot be told, no wound so deep that love will not heal, no division so wide that love will not bridge.
Love God. Love each other.
Trust deeply. Live boldly.
Alleluia. Amen.
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